The Second Thought Realization
by Beckyseyedoc
Summary: When Sheldon finally realizes he has made Amy feel as though she's a second thought, what can he do to make her understand she's actually the priority in his life?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is my first attempt at fan fiction, and my first creative writing in over twenty years. A special Thank You to those who encouraged me to publish, and in particular to the one who read this in advance and was generous in her time and praise. I only hope I do fair service to this wonderful couple.

I have no ownership of these characters. This is for entertainment purposes only.

The Second Thought Realization

Leonard and Penny sat together on the couch, a comfortable silence between the two as they watched the movie together. A month ago, they had been on their way to Las Vegas, planning a speedy wedding and celebrating together afterwards over a long weekend. Then came Leonard's admission – an alcohol-infused indiscretion aboard the North Sea ship two years prior – no more than a kiss but enough to place doubt in both hearts. They nearly made it to the chapel before the heart-to-heart discussion turned them around. Time had since passed, and trust returned. Now, they were taking a break from planning the formal ceremony with friends and family. The one they both wanted from the beginning.

Down the hall in a bedroom a stark contrast loomed against the peace of the living room. It had been a month to the day that Amy had told Sheldon she needed time to step back and reconsider their relationship. It rained all that June 25th, and Sheldon felt the storm echoing his anguish. He had never before understood tales of such a sensation – after all, Sheldon had nearly never lost against anyone in matters of the mind. This night, Sheldon grasped the depth of this loss in his heart.

Shortly after the night Amy said "Goodbye," Sheldon moved the small, dark blue box from his desk in the living room to the drawer in the bedside table in his room. The Gollum statue continued to stand guard over its contents from the table above. Sheldon nodded in respect to the statue, opened the drawer, and removed the box. He gently opened the box, and stared at its contents. The diamond solitaire flashed brilliantly up at him…

Sheldon asked his Meemaw for the ring this past Christmas, after Amy gave him the box of Christmas cookies. The ones his Meemaw used to make. The ones Amy made after she called Meemaw to ask for the recipe. Meemaw had promised her ring to Sheldon many years ago, to give to the woman with whom he wanted to share his life. In giving Amy her cookie recipe, Sheldon felt Meemaw silently gave Sheldon her blessing on his choice. Sheldon could never have made the leap forward without it…

Brought back to the present by a bolt of lightning outside his window, Sheldon felt the pain strike him anew. Sheldon's eidetic memory once again returned him to a month ago, on the couch…

Kissing Amy felt so very good, the positive energy allowed Sheldon's mind to run without limits. After breaking the kiss, Sheldon's voice unwittingly summoned the last thing that went through his mind: should he commit to watching The Flash television series?  
Amy asked, incredulously, " _That's_ what you're thinking about?"  
"I'm thinking about a lot of things," he replied, with a smile.  
"Am I in any of them?" she asked, pain and sorrow etched on her face…

Amy felt she was a second thought to him, Sheldon finally realized. How could she possibly feel otherwise? How could he even be thinking about a television show with her in his arms? Sheldon cringed as he reflected on other events where he realized only too late what damage he had done.

Why couldn't he have told Amy the _real_ commitment issue he was wrestling with? The one he was wanting to make to her that very night? Lightning flashed again, and Sheldon doubled over as his breath left him. Once more, his mind returned to the past…

A dear mentor and wise council in flowing Jedi robes extolled from beyond, "Appreciate them, Sheldon…"

Something inside Sheldon finally gave way. Sheldon's back straightened and he drew himself up to full height. He could no longer hide, either in his room or from what he needed to do. If Amy didn't know how he really felt, then he would tell her. He had to try to rectify this situation.

Carefully placing the ring back in the box, and the box back in the drawer, Sheldon inwardly thanked Gollum for his continued protection of the ring. Amy would learn about this Precious later, when the time was right. Sheldon gathered his jacket and bus pants, and flew out the door of his room. Leonard's head jerked up as he heard determined steps coming down the hallway.

"Where are you headed?" Leonard asked.

"I can't do this anymore. I've got to talk to her," Sheldon answered, as he reached the front door and started to open it.

"Wait. You can't just go over there. Amy's asked you for time, and you promised to give her that," Penny advised.

Sheldon opened the door a few inches, paused, and turned to look at his friends. "I _need_ to go to her, Penny. It was a month ago today, and I've already waited too long. I tried to respect her wishes, but I just can't leave it at this. Amy doesn't believe I think about her, except as a second thought. She thinks that, to me, everything else matters before her.

But that's not the truth. Amy needs to know that she's been first for a long time: not only in my thoughts, but in my heart and in my soul. Being without Amy has made me realize that I need to make her understand how much I need her… how much I want her… how much I love her. Our anniversary night, I was going to... well, that's not important now. Right now, it doesn't matter if she takes me back or slams the door in my face. Amy is worth the risk. I have to tell her."

Leonard had decided. "Hang on, I'll get my coat and keys. You can text me when you're done and I'll come back to get you."

Sheldon nodded his agreement. "Be quick."

Sheldon turned back around and threw open the door the rest of the way. A low gasp escaped him, and he stepped slightly backward: Amy stood in front of him, arm part-way raised in preparation to knock on the door. Amy was paler than usual, looking like she hadn't eaten or slept properly in days; rainwater mixed with the tears running down her face in a torrent. In spite of all, she was the most beautiful thing Sheldon had seen in the last month.

And those deep emerald eyes, the same ones that had been so dimmed the last time he saw them, now both shone with the light he had grown to love and burned with a fire Sheldon had never seen before. Sheldon's heart sang at the renewed promise they showed him. _His_ Amy – not the seemingly hollow shell that spoke to him on Skype a month ago, but the brilliant mind and the undefeatable soul – she was _back_!

It took every ounce of strength Sheldon had _not_ to pull her into his arms and never let her go. But he was determined: this had to be Amy's choice.

Amy slowly lowered her arm, and managed a small smile through her tears. She stepped forward warily, cautious of a negative reaction from Sheldon. Seeing instead only love and hope in his face, Amy reached her arms around him and pulled him in. Sheldon breathed for the first time in what seemed forever when he leaned down to rest his chin on her head, wrapping her in tight, feeling her heart beat in time with his own.

Only his Vulcan ears… or maybe it was his human heart… heard her muffled whisper.

"Sheldon, I think we need to talk."


	2. Chapter 2

" _Sheldon, I think we need to talk."_

* * *

Amy didn't want to move from Sheldon's warm embrace, but she looked up toward his face anyway. She needed to see his eyes to know his reaction. Sheldon's arms softened; he let her go but stayed beside her. The brightness in his eyes faded, and his face turned down slightly. He nodded his assent. Sheldon knew this night wasn't going to be an easy one.

Penny gently approached the couple, and quietly observed, "You're shivering, Amy. Let me bring your emergency bag over from my apartment, OK?" Amy smiled at Penny and thanked her softly. Penny bolted for her apartment, and Leonard was next to hug Amy. "I'm glad you're here. We've all missed you." Leonard kissed her on the cheek, looked with compassion at Sheldon, and left to follow Penny over to 4B.

Penny ran back to 4A in less than a minute, canvas overnight bag in one hand and hairdryer in the other. "I'll get the hairdryer back in the morning – just leave it on the kitchen counter," Penny said to Amy, as she hugged her and whispered in her ear, "You'll be fine. He loves you, and you love him. Everything else can be worked out. I know." Amy nodded; inside her heart she was anything but sure.

Sheldon had been staring at Amy, conflicted between being overjoyed at her presence, while at the same time knowing a difficult conversation lay in front of them. Penny's earlier words brought him out of his apparent stupor. "She's right, you're freezing. I'll make tea; why don't you dry your hair and change your clothes in the bathroom. I'll meet you in the living room." Sheldon leaned over and kissed Amy on her forehead, then made his way to the kitchen.

Amy walked down the hall, and closed the door to the bathroom behind her. Once again saved by her tendency to over-plan, Amy took the change of clothes from her bag and began to undress. She dried her hair and put on her clean clothes, folding the wet ones and putting them into the bag. Amy borrowed a washcloth from the bathroom cabinet, ran it under the faucet, wrung it out, and cleared her face of the mixture of tears and rain. Feeling somewhat more human, she gathered her bag and the hairdryer and went toward the living room.

Meanwhile, Sheldon leaned on the countertop on each side of the stove in the kitchen, watching the tea kettle warming. The mugs were on the counter, each with a chamomile tea bag ready for the hot water. Outwardly, Sheldon appeared calm. Inside, however, he was beside himself. Earlier, when he thought he was going to Amy's apartment, Sheldon knew what he needed to do and had planned everything out in his head. Amy's appearance in his apartment shattered every plan. Sheldon was going to have to live in this moment. And that terrified him.

Amy came around the corner as the kettle began to whistle. She saw the tension in Sheldon's arms and his head bowed over the stove. Quietly, Amy set her things down on the kitchen island counter. She went to the stove, turning it off as she moved the kettle to the trivet. Amy cautiously draped her hand over Sheldon's and interlaced her fingers with his. Sheldon responded by tightening his fingers around hers, while letting out the breath he didn't know he had been holding. Amy said, "I've got this. Why don't I meet you on the couch?"

Sheldon nodded and left the kitchen. Amy poured the water from the kettle and brought the two mugs to the coffee table, sitting next to him on the couch. Neither one seemed to know how to start. Amy decided to make the first move…

"I think we need to talk." Amy sighed. "But first, I owe you an apology."

Sheldon was startled. He swung his head toward her and said, "For what?"

Amy replied, "I didn't let you finish talking that night on Skype. I am sorry for that. You said you had been thinking about relationships, but I interrupted. What were you going to say?"

Sheldon chuckled ruefully, and looked down at his lap. "I was trying to say that all relationships are hard work. I've watched Leonard and Penny try to make theirs work, with differing levels of success, for the last eight years. I hope they've got it right this time. I've seen Howard and Bernadette in their ups and downs, too. They made it. Others haven't. But Meemaw taught me a long time ago that anything worth having is worth the hard work involved." Sheldon picked his head up, and Amy was caught off-guard by the determination she saw in his eyes. "And worth fighting for."

It was Amy's turn to find herself unable to keep Sheldon's gaze. Amy looked down at her hands, wringing them while she spoke. "Sheldon, there are times when you make me feel so cared for and so special. Before prom, when you first told me you loved me… I was shocked. Prior to that, I never expected to hear that from you freely. And it was _wonderful_.

I came to the door tonight, ready to knock, when you opened it just a little. I heard what you told Penny. That I am 'first in your thoughts… in your heart and soul.' I felt like you were opening more than that door. I felt like you opened yourself to me…

But there have been so many times you don't even seem to think about me at all. When you left on the train last year, without even so much as a 'Goodbye,' and I didn't know when or if you would be back… this spring when you planned to go to Mars without me… a month ago, when you couldn't even kiss me here without thinking about a television show… those times hurt so much I didn't know if I could bear it. If you left me like that again, physically or emotionally, I'm not certain I could."

Amy summoned her courage, and looked directly at Sheldon. "I came over tonight because I need to be totally honest with you, and for you to be as honest with me. I need to know what you want from this relationship. As for me, I want it _all_ – us really together, eventually marriage and a family, both of us to have careers that are fulfilling and rewarding, and maybe even a Nobel. I'm not looking for a proposal tonight," she said, laughing a little.

Her serious look returned. "But I need to know where I stand with you. If we're not on the same page, that's OK. It'll hurt, because I am in love with you. But I'll accept it. If we're not, though, after all this time… we'll need to go back to being friends only."

Amy wondered at the cause, when she saw a flicker of pain in Sheldon's eyes as she finished. Sheldon closed his eyes briefly, willing his racing heart to slow back down. The blue velvet box in his bedside drawer called to Sheldon, but he couldn't answer. Not yet. He knew they needed to make this relationship right first.

* * *

Next: Sheldon gets his turn to speak. Can he be entirely honest with Amy, too?

I plan to have the final chapter posted next Wednesday. Thank you for reading, and for your honest feedback if you so choose.


	3. Chapter 3

_The blue velvet box in his bedside drawer called to Sheldon, but he couldn't answer. Not yet. He knew they needed to make this relationship right first._

* * *

Sheldon opened his eyes and looked at Amy. He knew his opportunity to make her understand was at hand. It would take laying open his very soul to her. Sheldon drew in a deep breath. _It's now or never, Cooper_ , he thought.

"Amy, I meant every word you heard me tell Penny. It took me until tonight to determine what exactly happened a month ago, and realize that you felt I was putting you behind other things in my life. I won't promise that I'll always be successful understanding emotions – I know that I will fail more than I want to admit." Sheldon took Amy's hand and held it to his chest, her palm over his heart. She could feel its steady beat. "But I can promise what you are now and will always be: first, in my thoughts, in my heart, and in my soul," Sheldon vowed.

A tear ran down Sheldon's cheek. Amy tried to pull her hand back to wipe away the tear, but Sheldon held her hand firm to his chest.

Amy's heart began to believe again. Just maybe…

"You came over tonight to be completely honest with me. I shall be as honest with you. I want everything you want, and more. I want to share all the joy and the sorrow that life has to offer… with you. I want to make you happy in as many ways – no, more ways – than you make me. I need you in my life, because it is empty without you. A month apart from you made me realize that _I_ am the lucky one in this relationship. _You_ are my only one.

But a month apart also taught me that we have a lot to work on to make this relationship thrive. I need your help to teach me when I don't understand how I've upset you. I need you to trust that I love you, even when I disappoint you."

Then he continued, wistfully: "So, no, I'm not ready to propose tonight, either." _Soon, though_ … he thought to himself.

Back in his bedroom, the ring's siren call fell silent.

Sheldon released his grip on her hand and his voice dropped lower. Amy leaned in closer to hear. "Amy, I know you often wonder if I am capable of physical desire for you." Amy's face softened, and he reached up to caress her cheek with his thumb and the palm his hand. "I am capable, and I do desire you. I didn't want it at first, five years ago; I don't think you did either. But things have changed. For us both.

You are beautiful – physically, yes, but more importantly in how you care about others. How you care about _me_. In spite of me leaving on that train last year, you kept your faith in me and in us, and I will spend my lifetime trying to understand it. To me, there will never be anyone as beautiful as you are."

It was Sheldon's turn to summon courage, but he did not waiver from holding her gaze. "Amy, I need you to know: it's not about coitus anymore. Maybe it never was. An act any consenting adults of similar mindset can perform? That's not you and it's not me. It's certainly not 'us.' When this does happen for us, it won't be some scientific experiment, or just to find out what all the fuss is about. When you and I make love for the first time…"

Sheldon paused when Amy drew in a sharp breath as she raised her hands to her face. Shock registered in her eyes. Sheldon smiled, gently. It wasn't often he surprised her like that, and he treasured it. Sheldon reached for her hands, pulling them away from her face, holding tight.

" _When_ we do, I want it to be special. We _both_ need to be ready. Will you trust me enough to wait, just a little while longer?"

Amy leaned in closer, and Sheldon felt her warm breath's answer on his lips: "Yes."

This time, Sheldon was unable to think of anything else when Amy kissed him. _This time_ , neither of them held back, as mouths opened, breaths passed in between, and tongues met in the dance as old as time. Sheldon let go of Amy's hands and reached up into her hair. Amy felt his tender but firm grip holding her head just so, guiding her mouth to best meet his. Amy wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. Sheldon felt her lose balance, her body falling slightly and landing on his chest. Outside, the storm gave its last as a brilliant display of lightning lit up the night's sky, and thunder rolled across the valley. But Sheldon and Amy neither saw nor heard any of this, only the sounds of years of unfulfilled emotion finally being expressed.

When time came to breathe fresh air once more, both faces were flushed. Neither gave up their hold on the other. Foreheads touched, smiles were warm, and hearts were finally sure. Sheldon breathed in deeply, unwilling to break the silence. For Amy, though, there was one small detail left to dispatch…

"Sheldon, are you agreeable if I want to end this break?" Amy asked with a teasing smile. Sheldon released his grip on her when threw his head back as he laughed, then kissed her once again in answer. He drew Amy into his arms and held her tight. This time, there was no uncertainty. Sheldon wanted to hold her forever.

"I love you," he murmured into her ear.

Amy pushed back from his chest a little to be able to look into his eyes. She smiled, finally accepting in her heart and soul what was always the truth. "I know," Amy replied earnestly, and snuggled back into his arms. "I love you, too."

They were still, each wrapped in the other's expressed love, when Sheldon spotted a clock. It was nearly 2:00 a.m., and suddenly he became concerned. He didn't want Amy to try to drive home at this late hour, especially after all that had happened that night. Sheldon knew they both wanted to work on strengthening their relationship, but things between them still seemed too fragile for any steps forward. The only thing to do was to be the gentleman his mother and Meemaw brought him up to be.

"Amy, it's 2 o'clock. You can't drive home at this hour - it's still storming. You can stay in my room; I'll just grab a pair of pajamas and a blanket and pillow and take the couch."

Before Amy got a word in, Sheldon was headed back to his bedroom. He was in the top drawer of his dresser, reaching for his Friday night pajamas, when Sheldon heard quiet steps come up from behind him. A warm, delicate hand covered his own, interlacing her fingers with his.

"You don't have to sleep on the couch," Amy said softly. Sheldon turned to look at her. "Stay with me. It doesn't have to be more than that tonight. I just want to wake up in the morning in your arms."

Minutes later, pajamas were shared, teeth were brushed, and lights were out. The storm outside was passing to the east. A few flashes of lightning flickered in the distance as two souls lay in bed, facing one another. No words were exchanged, except those said with the eyes and heard by the heart.

And when the sun rose later that morning against the clear blue sky, the two slept peacefully on: he with her tucked tightly inside the crook of his arm, and she with her arm wrapped across his chest.

* * *

A/N: For those who check calendars, I have taken a small piece of "artistic license." June 25th this year falls on a Thursday. But if Sheldon can believe in an infinite number of universes, in this one, it can be a Friday… I wouldn't want Sheldon and Amy to have to get up and go to work immediately after this, either.

In all fairness, I borrowed from a favorite music group for some of Sheldon's "honesty speech." The song is My Only One by Bad Company. So, I was a teen in the 1980s and I remain a sucker for a power ballad. The song has been stuck in my head (and in my car's disc drive) since I first saw the season 8 finale. The first verse and chorus are as follows:

I… I miss you  
I… just can't resist you  
I need you like the sun needs the day  
Oh, please… won't you come back again?  
Line by line… so many pages I write  
I can't find the words to tell you how I feel tonight  
Without you, my heart would fade away  
I need you like the sun needs the day…

'Cause you are my only one  
With all that we've been through  
Each step that I take… it leads me back to you  
I am the lucky one… right here in this place  
The light in your face… is brighter than the sun  
Oh, baby, you are… my only one.

I have spent the last two days debating the end of this story. Originally, I had planned this as a one-shot, but then it became three chapters when my mentor/guru asked me to consider the possible outcomes after Amy says they need to talk at the end of what is now chapter one. Now, she's got me thinking about outcomes after Sheldon and Amy wake up together the next day after reconciling. I have thought about a follow-up story, but am between that or making it an extension of this one instead.

So, while I'm coding this "Complete," more accurately might be "To Be Continued." The summer is the busiest season at my office, but I hope to come back to The Second Thought Realization or its follow-up soon.

I hope you have enjoyed this story so far. Thank you for reading and for your feedback.


End file.
